Pain

I’ve become so aware how human beings protect themselves from things they think are potentially harmful or painful. I’ve become so aware of the way I do this, to minimize pain, put on a happy face and not feel what is there.

I’ve noticed since going to school at Tibia, how I and my classmates have grown as we’ve started to let go of ego and become more conscious. The more I’ve been looking at these things, the more stuff has come up, but I feel lucky to be in a position with supportive friends and being able to be kind to myself to let it out to heal.

It’s amazing how I’ve noticed that I will push people away, or put a wall up, when really, I just want to be accepted and loved. I think that’s what all people truly want when it all comes down to it.

But we’ve been hurt before, so it must be that it will happen again. We close our hearts to others and worse, to ourselves to not feel, to not live, to not be in the moment. We train and condition ourselves that it is not acceptable to feel anything but happy all the time. We market drugs to make people happy and numb feelings.

Life can hurt, life can really suck at times, but I’ve always found the silver lining in each situation, even if it takes some time. I’m tired of living with a shield around my heart. Everyone’s been hurt, everyone has felt something painful before. But it doesn’t mean it will always be like that, and if you never try, really try, how will you know? It’ll just be life continuing, in your own prison, trapped by your own impressions and ideas that are false. FEAR= False Evidence Appearing Real.

As I walk down this path in my journey of opening up my heart this year, it’s been very painful, but yet very rewarding. I know as I let the inauthentic parts fall away that say, “stay away because you’ll hurt me” it’ll bring me closer to living my life with my head and heart equally. Life is too short for me to continue on this way, so here’s to an opening up my heart, being compassionate, and trying the best I can in every situation that falls on my path.