Last night I came home from rehearsal and had flowers waiting for me from a good friend of mine. He dropped them off, one bouquet for me, one for Sarah. He is so sweet. He told us we deserved to wake up to flowers. She does, but sometimes I wonder if I do. It gave me hope.
Today at work, I was really surprised by another flower delivery. These came from another friend of mine. I felt overwhelmed, and I felt loved. It made me want to do good things for other people. It made me so happy to know someone cared about me. Sometimes people just really need to be reminded that they are thought about. Sometimes we just get so caught up in our own world.
So I go from being totally crabby over VD, to feeling appreciation for the amazing friends I have in my life. I have these guys to thank.
I wondered why I felt so different. Nothing had really changed about me. I was still the same girl. But now I really mattered, and it troubles me that I didn't necessarily think I did before. I hate that this keeps coming up, but it's a reminder to sit with it.
Looking at my flowers today made work so much nicer. I felt shiny and new.
I ordered dinner for myself tonight and watched Grey's Anatomy. It was a perfect end to the day. Doing something I enjoy and taking care of myself. So many people tell me they just don't get why I don't have a boyfriend, but I get it. It's because I have more sitting to do, more time with me, more meditation to do. That way, by healing these things that trigger so much when somebody shows me they care can be put behind me, and I will have an open heart. And if it comes up before this is accomplished, I know I will choose someone that will understand and have compassion for this part of me, and I will understand and have compassion for any parts of him.
Time to listen to my meditation cd. I'm going back to the start. I hope these guys know how much I love them. Even when I don't know what to say. Even when I'm in my dark parts that I'm working through, they are still there. I'll be there for them too. That's what this whole love things is. It's loving people the best you know how, even when you are broken and working to be whole again. I've learned today that people will love you the best they know how, and it doesn't matter what that looks like. It's authentic and it's beautiful.
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2 comments:
I'm sure they know how much you care for them. Just as I'm sure somewhere inside you know that when your friends are so surprised that you don't have a boyfriend, that they're really saying how much love they feel you have inside, how genuine you are, and how much hope it would give them to see someone like you in a love that makes sense.
That's the kind of hope that everyone wants to feel inside.
Yes, it's all going to make sense, this I know to be true.
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