What the hell just happened?

I've learned that life is completely unpredictable. I've learned the people you want to accept you the most will hurt you the most. I've learned that you can never count on anything. Nothing.

Two people who were so important to me are gone from my life right now. I told her I didn't want to be in her wedding. I told him to leave me alone. I wonder if I cut people out too much. I wonder if I can accept things as they are without considering my own feelings.

In a matter of one week, my life has been turned upside down more than I ever thought possible. I thought for a moment that I might just want it to all be over. But then I felt it, and it relieved the pain a bit. It's been a whirlwind these past few months. I feel the transition is necessary. I guess things will be forced out of your life if they aren't supposed to be there, no matter how much you want them to be. No matter how much you have done to make them fit. It shouldn't be that difficult.

I became reacquainted with my ex boyfriend today. Out of nowhere, he contacts me. They always know...how do they always know? The timing is very interesting. BAM! Why is this happening? I wonder what this experience will have to teach me. I guess you never know when people will come back, that things will have a chance for resolution, forgiveness and peace. I'm very excited to have peace with this. Maybe this peace will create and extend it further for others in the future.

My life lately has forced me to find out what I'm made of...and it's really good stuff. I've found comfort and compassion in the strangest places. You can't control what others will say or do or feel. You just have to accept, and move on when necessary.

I've found peace in my center. I know I am strong and I know new people will come into my life, and I can't control who leaves it, or what situations occur to promote action either way. It's just.....why him? Out of anybody, why? Why did he turn into his character offstage too? He was the one that I loved the most. I guess that's why this happened. I felt the cord snap, I felt peace and loss all at once. Maybe the next life we'll get it right. Maybe that's what needs to be cleared away...all the past life junk. Seperate. Alone. I remember seeing him for the first time, and now we can't even look at each other. Without the skin, Beneath the storm, Under these tears
The walls came down. It's alright. I don't mind.

This too, shall pass. It's only a speck. Just a tiny speck that feels like a bullet. It's killing me, but I will heal.

I know I did this show for a reason, I just didn't think the lesson would be this difficult. Fixing the Ego Patterns of Victim and Helper...the two the have ingrained themselves into my Being so beautifully I almost believed they were me. But I'm catching on to this game. I'm observing and finding that life brings you exactly what you need in every moment to heal what is holding you back.