Fireworks

July 4th has always been my favorite holiday. I love summer, I love sparkly things and I love friends. What better holiday than to have all three in one package?

I guess the past two years have just not been that exciting holidays for me. I think I might pick a new favorite holiday. It’s been a few difficult years of cleaning up my past, transitioning and resisting what’s best for me.

Tonight I watched the fireworks with some pretty random people at a house party. As I sat there are watched the show in the sky, I thought about all the previous July 4ths in my life. I can honestly pretty much remember who I was with, what was important to me and where we went to watch the fireworks every year. It saddened and inspired me to think about the years past.

I get attached to people too easily. I think it’s so rare in this day and age that we are blessed to have such inspiring, joyful connections that when they come around for me, I want them to hang around as long as possible…even when it’s time to move on. I’ve never been one for superficial relationships. It’s boring and pointless.

I recently became reacquainted with someone who was once so important to me. Well, he’s still very important to me, but we haven’t talked in six years. We just lost track of each other. That’s how it happens. You start hanging out less and less and finally you look back and realize it’s been years since you’ve been on someone’s radar. I believe that everyone has their own unique path in life and if you are present enough to recognize the blessings of people’s paths crossing your journey; it’s such a magical happening.

I credit this man for saving my life. I was in a point in my life where my self esteem was so low, I dated a suicidal, emotionally troubled man who was never there for me. He was completely selfish and I did all the work in our relationship. Unfortunately this way of being is still engrained in my system, but it is getting better. When you go through something like that, it’s hard to come out of it “normal.” I met this man and had an instant connection. Kindred Spirits for sure. I can count the number of people I’ve had this kind of connection with in life on one hand. It’s rare and it’s wonderful.

We had a wonderful friendship where all we did was LAUGH and were just so happy to see each other. We were both dating other people and that’s all it amounted too. One night, I just realized that I had a much more profound and amazing connection with this man than I did with my boyfriend. At that point, I knew that there was someone out there for me that would be better for me. I thank life for this friendship, because it saved me from myself. It saved me from a dead-end marriage. How could I let someone so important to me just slip away?

I think it’s just life. We get “busy.” We stop making time for people and our lives and interests change. Certain people just don’t fit anymore. We meet new friends and people are replaced. I never forgot him. His importance never changed. It’s just that “in time” we weren’t connected anymore.

I was so happy to hear from him. I’ve been on cloud nine all week. The connection is still there, and he’s all the way in Florida, happily married with a beautiful baby girl. I couldn’t be happier for him and I’m thankful for his re-appearance. I know he again has something wonderful to teach me, and his timing couldn’t be more accurate for re-surfacing. I’ve been feeling him around for about six months, and now, finally we found each other.

Sometimes I feel like the most profound relationships I’ve had are the ones that don’t stay. They just flicker into our lives for a few beautiful moments, teach us what we need to learn, and then they move on. Sometimes we are left dumbfounded and don’t understand-sometimes we are left touched, moved and inspired. We go on to our next chapters without them, but we still carry them with us.

If we are lucky, we get a second chance. We re-connect with this Kindred Spirit at just the right time. There is nothing in life better than that.

I’m optimistic in knowing, that many of the July 4ths in my future will be spent with my best friends that I haven’t even met yet. I’m optimistic in knowing that no matter how sticky or difficult a situation or relationship has become, there is always room to once again be reacquainted and begin again.