My best call yet!

Today I had a customer call in to see if he could change his refrigerator into a wine unit. WHAT?

Conversation:“I can’t get my refrigerator to go above 42 degrees.”
“That’s because the thermostat and control board are regulated for that unit to be set between 34-42 degrees. You can’t change that.”
“I want to turn my fridge into a wine unit.”
“What?”
“I want to make it a huge wine storage and set it at 55 degrees.”
“That isn’t possible; our wine units have a completely different sealed system and control board.”
“There isn’t a way for the technician to change that?”

“No.”“I don’t believe you.”OK then….At this point I transferred him to our company tech because I couldn’t even handle it. I’m going to call Cannon tonight to see if I can turn my digital camera into a digital video camera. I’m also going to call Oldsmobile to see if I can get my Alero to turn into a hybrid.

I am ready now

This weekend I participated in a workshop at Tibia massage school. It was a workshop based in Foundations of Healing, where the format produced a space to heal and let go and transform. It was probably one of the most moving experiences in my life. I really feel like a new woman after this weekend.

There were so many things in my life that have been hurting so much lately. I know now that the events have led up to this transformation and healing. I know now I needed that last push away to heal myself and start moving in a new direction.

I went into the workshop with a stuck mentality, a negative attitude and complete skeptism. The facilitator is intuitive and with all the mixed messages I've been getting with that stuff lately, I wasn't looking forward to it. I know now its because it is exactly what I needed, and my negative ego/personality traits were drawing me away from healing and figuring it all out. I needed to find a balance and I think I found that this weekend.

The group was very diverse, which made it great. After we filled out worksheets about our greatest fears, what we were afraid of having and the like, it was really interesting to see common patterns in my life come up for me. This upset me, because now that I was becoming aware, I just wanted to FIX everything and DO something and make it all ok. I learned to surrender. It creates a space instead of trapping it.

We did an exercise where the facilitator intuitively selected music to assist us with just allowing emotions and messages come to the surface. I again needed to "test" myself and I asked for a message in the next song for me. There has been something on my mind constantly, and the the song that played was exactly what I needed to hear to let it go. It was amazing, and I was like wow, I knew that was for me. After that, I asked her why it is so hard to let go, and she said that the song was for me, and that I shouldn't take it literally, but just know there is healing occuring and it is exactly as it should be, which I needed to hear.

We did an exercise where we had to practice being present in the moment. It was awful. We had to take turns with each person in the class and just keep eye contact and not say ANYTHING..and just be present and notice what comes up. This taught me the most about myself. I was so extremely uncomfortable. I noticed all my insecurities come out and reminded myself how I look away a lot when I'm talking with somebody because it produces so much emotion for me. When I was paired up with one of my best friends, we just cried and cried. We are such a mirror for each other, and there comes a point in everyone's life where we just have to realize how connected we all are, no matter what drama comes up or what occurs in our relationships. The realization that there is so much more than meets the eye. We can avoid it time and time again, and there it will be, back in our face to deal with.

I went home feeling pretty great. There was a girl in the class that wasn't grasping anything about what was happening, and I was able to relate it to her in a way she understood. It was awesome.


The second day was by far the most amazing. We did another intuitive music session. Now, music has always been important in my life, but somewhere along the line I lost my voice. I'm a singer, and I get scared to sing, I get shy. I don't know how/why this happened. The facilitator said this music was going to be a lot more emotionally charged than yesterday's. I was doing pretty well keeping things in check, but then a few songs really triggered some deep emotions inside of me, but it's what I needed to hear for there to be a clearing, for those emotions to be triggered, so they can be cleared away and figured out.

The most profound moment came when there was patriotic music playing and I heard my grandpa that passed away that I need to sing more again. I used to sing the national anthem in high school and college, so it was pretty fitting. I wrote down on my paper, "Do what you LOVE, sing." The facilitator then came over and told me to go over and sit by my friend and SING. I couldn't believe it. That's how I know this was coming from such a sacred, beautiful place. We sang the next song together and cried through it, but it was so great to have found our voices again, and we needed each other to do it. It was incredible. It was so healing and so amazing.

I got lots of advice about my confusion lately and learned the difference between getting messages and signs from somebody's higher self and what it presently occuring. That cleared up pretty much everything for me, and I was just able to let go and just be and pay attention to theses patterns and emotions coming up. We talked so much as a group about just life and everything and AHHH it was just so incredible. I've never felt so free and something HUGE lifted out of my solar plexus and I feel a million times lighter, I feel myself. I feel connected. It was interesting because when we've done reiki, a friend of mine noticed that block in me, and he tried to move it, and it helped, but I was the one who had to do it for myself and let it go.

At the end of the workshop we just shared some more of what we were feeling. When my friend and I were singing, the girl who didn't "get this" had a lot of stuff come up and felt we were singing for her. We were singing for us....but were we really??? She needed to hear that too, and well the space was created for it. Beautiful.

I've learned so much this weekend about myself and others. I think the biggest thing I've learned is that as humans, we all face the same insecurities, anxieties, blissful moments, etc...they just manifest and play out in different ways. It is great to get to the level of just being real with someone, which I felt really occured this weekend. It was great because all that was facilitated was a space to heal and learn, we did it all on our own...we weren't told anything. It was genuine. It was love. And I feel my connection again. And I've realized how I made mistakes always wanting to fix everything for everyone. I was able to be honest and kind with myself and recognize it. I'm human, we all are, we make mistakes. It happens.

I don't think I've ever been at a better place than I am right now. I needed this weekend. It was truly transformational. A lot of times I think we don't want to admit there are things we need to work on with ourselves and hide it in so many different ways, whether it be staying really busy or drinking and drugs or whatever. But I learned this weekend once you can acknowledge that part of yourself and feel it and use the tools presented to help yourself, clearing it out is much easier than I thought.

The last song she played before we left was actually a song I used to sing with my two best friends all the time when we led the church praise team. I couldn't believe it. It's not a popular song and I knew it was for me to remember that people come in and out of our lives for a reason, but we are always connected. I just needed that reminder. Life is beautiful, it really really is. It's really important to get clear with yourself. I'm happy to be on my way and learning ways to do so and have such amazing supportive relationships around me to have created this space.

Connection

I was out and about last night, at a Bon Jovi/Guns and Roses tribute band concert, of all places!! But I was with my favorite boys in the world and we had a blast!! I saw this lady with a beautiful dragonfly tattoo on her back, almost in the exact location I want to get mine. I kept staring at her, thinking there could be a lot of meaning or no meaning at all in seeing this dragonfly. So I did what I felt I should do. I went up to her and told her I loved her tattoo. She and I stared at each other and she just gave me a huge hug. It was like we just “knew” something that nobody else in that room did. I’ve never met this person before, but it was just an awesome moment. One of those moments, either sent by the Divine, or probably just random coincidence. Either way, it was inspiring to know in one way or another, we are all connected.

Life is a Theater-Invite Your Audience Carefully

My supervisor at work is like an older brother to me, he is probably the most amazing person I have ever met. He came over here from Senegal, has six siblings and is a black belt instructor in Tae Kwon Do. He's fluent in three languages and just won the national championship in Tae Kwon Do on a sprained hamstring and ankle. I really look up to him and today he came up to me and handed me a couple of things he found that reminded me him of me.

Not only am I amazed at his accomplishments, I'm amazed more so of how much he cares about other people and does whatever he can to help and to inspire others. He told me he's been where I am at, and any time I need someone to talk to, he's there.

This is the hand out he gave to me and I thought it was really great...

Life is a Theater-Invite Your Audience Carefully

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize, your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or dont' really understand, know or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life. "If you cannot 'change' the people around you, change the people you're around."
~Author Unknown

I've began a new meditation practice that has been very beneficial. It's about learning to meditate on your breath, only focusing on the present moment. By not living in the past or future, I feel is really going to help me focus on what I need to, and everything else will naturally fall into place. It's hard work looking within, but worth it.

Uncertainty

Fever burns through my veins as if nothing can quench the insatiable longing to calm me.

She apparated through a soul connection long promised but forgotten by the conscious mind. The recognition was not instant, although her golden elixr glittered patiently for me to remember her.

She soothed me as I drank her in while watching over my right shoulder. Intertwined by threads that I didn't understand until my third eye seared with her images-one in the same. Nobody will understand this.

A constant longing from my soul to know more guided this journey to fuse the connection of worlds seemingly apart. Wake Up.

Reality obscured as co-existing planes collided under one truth that couldn't be guided in tandem-Push Me Away.

Open my eyes to something distracting to release the memories of our eyes first meeting from this embedded wound and turn it into something disengaging that I no longer know.

Paralyzed within myself they leave me to fall so I will know my worth, but the proper move escapes me. Turning inward I breathe-and from the very depths of human connection, I know you saw me there.

I was cut on the jagged edges of chains protecting wounds not yet healed from what is not forgiven. I stare in wonder at myself in a pattern cycling through the world in which understanding fades into the mist filtering through my blood and my third eye shuts. I question why I feel I should care. It is something beyond what I can understand and wrap tangibly into a neat Pandora's Box.

I look up and remember I have been here before. The thickness of the air chokes me as it grows more unfamiliar and uncomfortable. It penetrates my lungs as it hardens my heart. Reclusive inside-everything burns until no tears can soothe. The mask tries so hard to betray Me, but I'm still a silent warrior.

Balance the karma as my life's greatest lesson to allow the seed to grow without gouging my fingernails in to dig it up. Allow it to be. Cut the cord of connections and focus within until I feel my heart beating to my own unconditional love. Nobody will understand this. Allow it to be.

Totally Emo

Recent life events have forced me to break out of my comfort zone and re evaluate everything in my life. It has been one thing after another that has turned everything I have known to be "true" for the past few years into complete chaos.

A new journey has begun, and off in the wind I go. Time to find out what is true for me, and not for everybody else. I love everyone who has taught me something and been in my life. I will take it all with me, I promise, but I want to stop living how everybody tells me to do so.

Here's to new beginnings. A complete destruction has happend so that new things can be constructed. Here's to the ups, the downs and finding my worth. I promise I'll come visit!

"You can trust the overall perfection of whatever is happening and say, 'I claim the perfection and the re-ordering that is in process. I exercise my choices for upliftment, learning and growth. I choose to re-unite myself into the consciousness of perfection.' I can look at spilled milk and appreciate it as a mosaic, a piece of art. I can see the beauty.- John Morton

Mother Frackin Frack!

About every six weeks to two months, I get this insatiable urge to chain smoke and just have these deep conversations about life. Of course for me, chain smoking means three cigs and I'm out, but there is just something about sitting on a balcony free to discuss your mind and feelings. Yeah, its one of my many weird twisty personality things.

Today's topic: How people are such a product of their surroundings. People are a product of only what they know. Hey!! Derka Derka Doooo...no surprise there, any idiot could come up with that conclusion. But taking it a step farther...what makes a person say, "Enough. There has got to be more out there."

Some people can sit their whole lives being perfectly content with settling for what is put in front of them. I am not one of those people. Take religion for example: it's a product of our surroundings. What made one person say one day, "Well, I think this will be this, and that will be that and everyone will believe it and we'll call it a day." Most major religions have one or more certain deity and a set of "rules." While most of these rules are codes of ethics and morals, at the same time it can almost be looked at as a way of manipulation. If everyone were to follow these "rules" it would be a perfect society. And how shall we scare the kids? Damnation to hell. It doesn't add up. But depending what your family believes, where in the world you grow up, you usually have this set of beliefs you just follow, because it is all you know.

Religion is an easy example. But if you really think about it, there is so much information out there that is either kept from the general public or we just do not have access to. Quantum Physics...such and amazing subject, so many incredible mind boggling concepts, but most people cannot wrap their minds around it because they are so conditioned to believe in what society tells them. It is a shame.

I feel like half the people my age don't even vote because no matter what they think the government is corrupt and they don't care who leads the way. I mean if both sides are so incredibly vindictive, pointing the finger at the other...than what is the point? I can see that mindset, and well that sucks too. It is a incredible what people are conditioned to believe. Almost to the point of the general population thinking it is impossible to make a true difference.

So what makes people say "Enough" and want to step outside the box and discover what is out there. Is it some major turn of events, an internal drive, or just plain curiosity? It's probably different for every individual. I know for me, my life's "fuck ups" have led me down some amazing paths to the most incredible journeys for my higher good. Logic is only what we know. Imagine how much information is out there that hasn't been "proven" or is too outside the box to understand. But imagine if society was more open to it. Nothing is impossible in my opinion. Well, maybe marrying Nick Lachey is, but you know what I mean.

Well, that's my rant for the day. Thanks for listening folks.

When Does Being Intuitve Become Harmful To Living Life?

So I see and feel and can communicate with Angels, Guides, Those Passed On, Whatever…cool. I know this happened to me so I would have my own personal “proof” that this does exist. There is life after death, there is a God/All Knowing Energy and there is access to communicate with everything if you are open to it. I’ve had crazy metaphysical experiences and honestly, it is kinda cool to have that ability. At first I was scared to death and I slept over at my parent’s house for two weeks straight because I felt my condo was “haunted” or something or other. Then by chance I met a lot more people that this was just starting to happen to as well. We found comfort in our joint “craziness” and it was nice not to be alone. My Intuition has been validated a million times over by both people I know and don’t know. It’s pretty much right on and I’ve trusted it.

This weekend I had the experience of someone believing that I was using that to manipulate him. This hurt me to the core. All I try to do is help the best way I know how. I don’t think anybody truly understands what it is like to have this happen to you until it happens. I just say what I see and feel. It could possibly be true that there is a filter on it, but I don’t think so. The reason why I don’t think that is because others have told me the same things that I have seen. Some people that don’t even know anything about the situation…so where does that come from? There is sometimes information that comes through that could, in my opinion, be harmful because people need to figure things out on their own, including myself. There are things I think that come through that I am not supposed to know sometimes. Everything can be changed because of free will. That’s the confusion/beauty of it all.

Regardless, I feel like I lost a person who not only did I really care about, I only wanted to help and in the mess of things it got miscommunicated and became a mess. So when does being Intuitve become harmful to just living life? I guess the answer is right now. I think its one thing to have the ability and use it occasionally, but I don’t need to make a career out of this. I’ve been told by others I have an amazing ability to heal and communicate to bring comfort to loved ones with the passing of their family/friends. I know this to be true…I just really don’t tell people or talk about that, but I have done it over and over again, and it has all been validated by that family member I have talked to. I’m glad to bring peace to people and help them find comfort in those situations. But I don’t like losing friends. There is nothing I can do about that I suppose. It seems like the cost of this is too much.

I feel because I’m getting these “warning alarms” going off in my life about all this stuff, I feel like taking a big step back and just concentrating on the present moment. I think that is what I best and healthiest for me to do. I had dinner with an old friend last night. He said, “It’s nice to have the old J back, you’ve been getting a little weird lately.” Yeah, maybe I have been a little weird. It’s time to get back to self and figure out why all this has happened. Everything that happens shows you something, even if it’s a bitch of a lesson. I miss my old self too. The girl that didn’t worry about the future, and had fun every moment of her life. It seems this path isn’t working for me anymore. I have my proof, it exists-now what?

"Dese are MY Apprles"

Well, we kinda sorta not really made it through the cleanse. Yesterday when we tried the straight olive oil portion of the cleanse, it resulted in yacking, soooo Lance and I said enough of this, we're getting food. haha! Jessie was a trooper and downed the olive oil and lemon juice.

Overall, the results were great! My body certainly released a lot of toxins. For the first time in months my sinuses are clear, my skin is better and I feel a lot better on the whole. I highly advised in a raw juice fast, it has great benefits.

I got the emotional cleanse I needed too. Prompted by an unexpected twist of fate yesterday that led to a complete crying breakdown, which apparently my body needed. It was ridiculous, I couldn't stop crying, even when my roommate was dancing around in her underwear I was laughing and crying at the same time. It was an on again off again all day thing. My eyes look like Rocky today, but I feel a whole lot better to get all that emotional residue out of my body.

So here I am, ready to start a new. I feel great and I feel confident life is going to offer wonderful and new opportunites. I can't control what has happened, all I can do is move forward and shine on.

I have apple breath

We made it to day three of the cleanse. So far, so good. It's been two days of nothing but raw apple juice and water. Surprisingly I felt a lot better than I have in a really long time. My body feels lighter, I have more clarity and toxins are seeping out and poisoning my blood. Awesome.

I felt super until tonight. It was a bit rough but we did some trampoline jumping to get the lymph nodes moving. That felt amazing. Tomorrow we start the cassia disks...here's to pooping!!

I've been doing some research today about emotional cleansing and I think it will work great in tandem with the physical cleanse we are doing. I'm planning on adding the emotional cleanse tomorrow. Here's to releasing all physical and mental toxic build up in my body.

I'll let you all know how it goes. By Sunday I will be ready for a HUGE greek salad. MMMM!!! I can already feel my body resetting itself for a much healthier diet. It's great to have Lance and Jessie for support as we allow this cleanse to manifest new positive changes and inspirations.

Lunch With My First Love

My mom called me the other day to say that she found a book of mine from when I was in jr. high in the basement. She was laughing because it said, "I love Shaun forever" on it. Oh first loves....how sweet, innocent and pure.

I was just talking about him the other day to some of my girlfriends while we were reminiscing on past relationships. I felt he was the one boy I really truly just loved. It was beautiful because it was so innocent. We really just loved being with each other.

Yesterday, I randomly found my first love on myspace on my high school page. Ah myspace, the destiny of souls. He lives in Turkey and he is a paratrooper for the US army, head of his division. I had not talked to him in almost ten years, and there he was, after two conversations about him a few days earlier. How bizzare. The Law of Attraction.

We found each other at the right time because he will be in the states visiting for a month and we have a lunch date. I'm so excited to catch up with an old friend. It just goes to show you the power of the Universe.

Prepping for the Big Cleanse

Soooo

My roommate and my brother and I got this grand idea to do a gallbladder cleanse from the Sundiet book. We are starting tomorrow. It is basically five days of nothing but raw apple juice with a few side items such as olive oil and lemon juice thrown in.

Apparently, the gallbladder can store at any one time between 300-1500 "eggs" of toxic build up, ranging in size from a pepper seed to a brazil nut. This is going to be so awesome, disgusting, and sickening, all at the same time. Seeing that come out of one's body can't be pleasant, but it will be sooooooo cool to get it out.

Here's to new beginings...physical, mental and spirtual.

GOALS For July

1. Magnified Healing Meditation Daily

2. LET GO-If it's truly part of my Personal Legend and for my Highest Good, I have nothing to fear.

3. Be present in the moment.

4. Exercise Daily

5. Smile through it all

Universe 1, Jess 0

It's amazing...this thing called life. I've learned a big lesson in letting go. Time to stop wanting to control and figure it all out on my own. Sometimes you just need to let go and let it happen. Sometimes the more you push, the harder the pull.

I've been thinking about my photography lately and how much I want to get back into it. It's a passion of mine, capturing images in a magical moment.

I've also been thinking about massage school and how badly I want to go, but how I'm not able to afford it with my mortgage.

Well, today something really 'boring' happened. It appears the massage school needs a photographer, and I'm able to do my work in exchange for taking classes there. It will at least get me through the two introductory programs and from then on out, I know it will all work itself out. I get to get back to my passion while learning a new trade. The best part is that I learned today they have an entire program/healing space at the school for intuitives, like me!! So now, not only will I be around people that don't think I'm crazy, they will actually encourage and support me and also understand what is is like to be clairvoyant.


Thanks Universe! Love you!

From Heaven's Letters

Beautiful soul, all you can be is a beautiful soul. There is nothing else you can be. You will know this when you are no longer attached to all the trappings of the world. When you put the trappings aside, that's when you will come out of the cocoon of your own making, the tangled web you have woven of yourself. When all the extraneous paraphernalia is gone, what can be left but your soul resplendent in all its beauty? The soul of you has meaning and never wears out. This is the true you. Anything else is just sleight of hand, a façade, a dissemblance. No matter how skilled in the world you are, this is true. This is true no matter how unskilled in the world you are as well.
You believed that the world was everything, and that you were nothing, a drop in the bucket, a dime a dozen, simply a laborer tolerated on Earth, often not seen, not acknowledged, not considered, not of much significance really, so you thought.
And, yet, through it all, you are most significant to Me, and now I ask you to be significant to yourself. Don't believe what the world tells you because the world does not know your worth. The world has kidnapped your belief in yourself and hidden it somewhere. The world has tried to convince you that you are only the masses, and you were convinced. You didn't give up your soul, but you gave up on its importance. You began to feel that your soul and its worth were the fairy tale instead of the world. Of course, you and the world have it all backward.
Life in the world is valuable, as valuable as you, and yet the world has not been valuing itself either. A world that values itself would not have wars. It would not have frenzy of any kind. The world has neither valued itself, so how could it value you?
Now I exhort you to value yourself and the shining gold that you are made of. Don't believe the mirrors you look into. Do not believe in the indictments of the world. Believe in Me, beloveds, and believe in you.Let's believe, and let's not pretend.
That which you call reality, or the hard facts of life, are the pretense. Isn't it strange that you hide yourself from the greatest of Truths, and accept the shallowest of fiction? I am saying that you, a magnificent soul, were birthed from Heaven to shine your glory. You are not tinsel, beloveds. You are the real thing. Any analysis of you that is less than pure gold is mistaken. You are the bright star that shines in My heart. Why is this so hard to believe?
You believe anything anyone tells you. You believe it fervently. Yet it is not so easy for you to believe what I tell you. Believe or not, accept. Come from this vantage: You are worthy. You are most worthy. You are worth everything except the punishment and devaluation you put yourself through.
Here you are, sitting on the throne of the universe, and you think you are homeless, sleeping on a curb.
Your perception is off, beloveds. You forgot Who you were. You forgot all about it. You may even think it's absurd to think you are anything more than the physical outline of you and the accumulation of habits and false prophets.
I extol you to believe in Me, and to believe what I say, so that you may believe in yourself. Never mind other people's distorted view of you. Begin to see yourself clearly now, and you will see others the same. You are a mighty shining soul. Accept this true appraisal of yourself, and make it your own.

2007

On my drive into work this morning I was thinking about 2007 thus far. It dawned on me that this really has been a tough year, and up until this realization today, I had only chose to focus on the positives. Does this mean I live in denial? Or am I just eternally optimistic?

The year started off with a bang. On NYE a friend and I kissed-I was thinking there was potential and I thought he was thinking the same-but the night ended up with me walking home in my stilettos and no coat-seems to the trend of 2007. It wasn’t meant to be and that is wonderful, because I’ve realized we are much better off as just friends.

Adam Pascal lit my candle at the end of January and I was pretty sure I could not have felt any more euphoric. Life seemed to be really falling into place. I had lost my job back in November and I finally had been hired at a new job that paid well.

The night after Adam Pascal I met someone that I had the most undeniable connection with. The night we kissed, my grandpa died. It was one of those times where I was experiencing so many emotions; I didn’t know what was what. I was grieving and falling for someone-a pretty strange combination.

I realize that my grandpa’s death is something that will not be easy to get over and it will take a long time. It still doesn’t seem real and there are still moments of raw emotion where I just don’t believe it is true. But life goes on, with or without you.

I met new people in March that provided an instant friendship, beautiful connections. But is seems they are all not staying that way. Sometimes there is nothing you can do.

At the end of March, I had another walk home alone in stilettos-this time I felt I had lost something that never had a chance to begin. I was sad, upset, angry and frustrated. You can’t make somebody love you and you can’t change anybody’s mind-no matter how much you want to or how much you care. It just doesn’t matter.

Since then, it’s just been a few months of feeling out of sorts. I gave my dog to a family that could take better care of her and had more time for her. Last night I had a dream about her and the truth is that I really miss her a lot. Giving her away was one of the most difficult days of 2007, and again, I did it alone. I really miss her and it hurts so much. I’d give anything for a little Gracie snuggle up time.

I know clearing out things in your life makes way for new and exciting things. I’m holding on to faith that this is true. I know by these things happening it has show me that the only person you can truly trust and rely on is yourself-and that is a great lesson to have learned. I have learned that the clouds are always darkest just before the brightest dawn. Time to let go and let it be. I don't feel sorry for myself, I just feel I'm ready for something new.

It's Only a Story

I work in customer service for a very high end appliance company. Most of the people who call me each and every day have more money than I could see in a lifetime, and everyone's problems are just "horrible" according to them.

These problems can range anywhere from hundreds of thousands of dollars in wine spoiling because their wine storage went out to fingerprints on the stainless steel finish. Naturally, I get paid to be empathetic to these people, but most of the times I just want to scream, "Shut the frack up!! Do you even KNOW what its like to have a real problem, or an important issue to deal with?" Obviously I have those feelings more toward the Beverly Hills Housewives that call to complain about fingerprints and the refrigerator door not shutting on it's own than the people who call with a genuine problem, but all and all toward the end of the day, I'm tired of it and don't care anymore.

The point is, people just want to be heard. They want to know that you hear them regardless of what you may be going through at the time. It's a basic human need. It doesn't matter what your "story" is....the guy you like doesn't even see you, you're broke, you're having problems with friendships...whatever it is...it's just a story. How long must I cling to my "story?" Does anyone even hear me? It seems the more I want my story to be heard, the less people care or listen. Maybe I really don't communicate clearly.

It's time to just let it go. A story is just a story...but the way you choose to read it is what matters. Will I read it with care and concern? With tears and frustration? Or will I laugh and giggle and make sound effects and funny faces while I read it?

It may just be a story. But it's your story. Read it to others how you'd want it to be read to you.

The Ego v The Self

I've recently begun a new meditation practice called "Pure Love Magnified Healing." It promises amazing things, but of course I am skeptical of anything that isn't "proven" to me or does not completely resonate with me intuitively.

During the meditation session, there is a time frame for "absentee healing" where, if you have permission from another person's higher self, you may send them healing energy. I attempted to do this with myself and another person I care about deeply. While I was sending healing, loving energy to the situation, I heard a voice say clearly, "He will NEVER love you. You will never find anyone who will love you and stay with you." I immediately knew this was a lower vibrational energy, because the words were abrupt, harsh and rushed. I felt upset and I asked, "Is this the ego?" I let the answer come to me and it was an immediate "yes."

I was certainly confused because my basic understanding of the ego had always been a generalized feeling of "I'm so great, or I can heal the world" or whatever may be of an "egotistical" type energy. I had no idea that the ego was also many other things: fear, self doubt, low sense of self esteem, confusion, etc. I talked about this with my mentor and I was validated in my feelings. The ego presents itself in many forms, but it is always to grab your attention away from ascension and progress in a positive direction. Why would the ego want you to give into what is good for you? It made sense to me..

This opened up a new can of worms for me, making me feel like I needed to analyze and figure out every little thing about this, but really, I don't need to. My soul, my higher self, knows what I need and what I desire. I don' t need to keep falling back into the same pattern of my ego of doubt and fear. Love is greater than fear. The love for one's Self is always greater than fear or "the ego." It's just that you have to trust it, and then the ego comes in, making you trust anything but yourself. It can keep continuing in a big, ugly and frustrating circle. Becoming aware of your ego and what it does in my opinion, is one of the biggest steps in one's spiritual path.

I am human. Of course my ego will continue to get in the way, but it is great to be aware of why this happens and to become more educated in what I can do to learn from it. The journey to one's true Self is different for everyone, each path unique, but each path right for each person that is brave enough and willing to take it.

Today, spending time with beautiful souls by the lake with butterflies literally landing on us during our conversations was magical. It's amazing how when we really need it or want it, we find people along the way that make our paths a bit more recognizable and easier. Those souls who bring out best in us, and we bring out the best in them is what love is. It is through this love, that we find out and remember who we truly are.

"Get up and free yourself from yourself.

Locked up inside you,
like the calm beneath castles,
is a cavern of treasures that
no one has been to.
Let's go digging.
Bring it out to take you back in."