I find my soul's mission right now is to learn to re-establish balance in my life again. Balance between being a socialite and a hermit, balance between self and friendship, balance all around.
It's been difficult for me to just "be." I get bored easily, but I've heard being bored is because you are a boring person. Great.
I've come to find by taking care of myself better, I've been able to be there for other's needs more and enjoy my time with my friends much more. It's been nice getting sleep (Thanks melatonin) and catching up on reading and meditating and discovering or awakening the parts of myself I have shut down. There are many parts I had forgotten about and I want those parts back.
I have no idea what my life is preparing me for right now. I just feel more centered and aware of what needs attention, what needs work, now the trick is finding out how to do this. I feel right now is about beautiful friendships that help me grow spiritually and in my self awareness and empathy. It's also about taking the time to figure out what I want in a romantic partner and what I deserve and what I clearly don't. I like this. It's nice to just "be," to be free and know that letting go and being open to change is all I need to do.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Lights Will Guide You Home
Today I had a really nice experience with a friend I recently met. I had emailed out a mass email today in hopes of finding a renter for the place.
She responded by telling me that she will send it out and visualize happy new renters enjoying the space, and also said she'll be holding a space for me as I go through everything that I am right now. My skin is breaking out like crazy and so much stuff is coming up to the surface. As I make these changes, I know this will happen....it's the darkness before the dawn...transition.
I was chatting to my brother about it and I was telling him I didn't understand, I was eating much better, taking care of myself and all the while my skin keeps getting worse. He told me, that stuff is inside you and it has to be released somehow. I guess that makes sense. Here's to clearing....
While I was reading the email from my friend, I heard Coldplays' "Fix You," in my head. I have to admit, I just had a little emotional moment. That song has special meaning to me. Last year my sister's dance team did a flashlight dance to that song and it really got to me emotionally. "Lights Will Guide You Home." That was the last time I saw my Grandpa alive.
It gives me faith, it makes me remember that we can't do everything on our own and reaching out, although scary, helps us and it helps others. That email really turned my day around and I think it shows that when things get intense or sticky, having a support group is super important. I guess I'm just a really lucky girl. I know this to be true.
She responded by telling me that she will send it out and visualize happy new renters enjoying the space, and also said she'll be holding a space for me as I go through everything that I am right now. My skin is breaking out like crazy and so much stuff is coming up to the surface. As I make these changes, I know this will happen....it's the darkness before the dawn...transition.
I was chatting to my brother about it and I was telling him I didn't understand, I was eating much better, taking care of myself and all the while my skin keeps getting worse. He told me, that stuff is inside you and it has to be released somehow. I guess that makes sense. Here's to clearing....
While I was reading the email from my friend, I heard Coldplays' "Fix You," in my head. I have to admit, I just had a little emotional moment. That song has special meaning to me. Last year my sister's dance team did a flashlight dance to that song and it really got to me emotionally. "Lights Will Guide You Home." That was the last time I saw my Grandpa alive.
It gives me faith, it makes me remember that we can't do everything on our own and reaching out, although scary, helps us and it helps others. That email really turned my day around and I think it shows that when things get intense or sticky, having a support group is super important. I guess I'm just a really lucky girl. I know this to be true.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Let Go
Lose yourself
Escape from the black cloud that surrounds you
Then you will see your own light,
as radiant as the full moon.
~Rumi
I must be capable of looking at you,
not through barriers, screens of my prejudices and conditioning.
I must be in communion with you,
which means I must love you.
~J. Krishnamurti
Another part of letting go is to slow down and make friends with whatever feelings and emotions arise-neither making a story out of them, forcing their expression, nor pushing them away. You just stay with them and let them unwind. In many ways letting go is to let go of holding back, of running away; it's about staying connected, opening up, being real, and dropping all the masks. When you can let someone see your tears, your hurt, your sadness, the beauty, you naturally enter the flow of loving, giving, receiving. The heart opens, the body resonant.
~Charlotte Kasl
Escape from the black cloud that surrounds you
Then you will see your own light,
as radiant as the full moon.
~Rumi
I must be capable of looking at you,
not through barriers, screens of my prejudices and conditioning.
I must be in communion with you,
which means I must love you.
~J. Krishnamurti
Another part of letting go is to slow down and make friends with whatever feelings and emotions arise-neither making a story out of them, forcing their expression, nor pushing them away. You just stay with them and let them unwind. In many ways letting go is to let go of holding back, of running away; it's about staying connected, opening up, being real, and dropping all the masks. When you can let someone see your tears, your hurt, your sadness, the beauty, you naturally enter the flow of loving, giving, receiving. The heart opens, the body resonant.
~Charlotte Kasl
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Totally Boring...
My brother sent me this article about the power of intention and diet. I found it pretty interesting, don't know if it's true, but it makes sense to me.
I've read "The Secret" and personally I think it's an extremely simplifed version so the general public can get the idea of Quantum Physics. Anyway, I know personally when I eat like this, and especially when I did the raw juice fast, I had never felt better.
http://www.newstarget.com/021970.html
On another note, I wish my car loved storms as much as I do, but she decided to object and quit working today. Hopefully it'll be a quick fix. Man! Where's my prince charming? Oh yeah, that's right...it's me!!
I've read "The Secret" and personally I think it's an extremely simplifed version so the general public can get the idea of Quantum Physics. Anyway, I know personally when I eat like this, and especially when I did the raw juice fast, I had never felt better.
http://www.newstarget.com/021970.html
On another note, I wish my car loved storms as much as I do, but she decided to object and quit working today. Hopefully it'll be a quick fix. Man! Where's my prince charming? Oh yeah, that's right...it's me!!
Nicely Done
I went to bed semi-early for me at 11:30 last night. I was so tired from getting little sleep over the weekend and then staying up to watch the meteor showers on Sunday night. I woke up right before the storm hit from a dream that right now escapes me. I’ve been waiting for an awesome storm like that all summer! As long as severe weather is not harmful to anything, I love it. I sat on my bed and watched the lightening illuminate the sky and the thunder boomed and the rain drowned out the night, it was beautiful. Nice job mother nature, nice to see you again.
Friday, August 10, 2007
The joys of the office
My coworker got a call from a California woman who was concerned that her stove was beeping. After my co worker asked her many questions about her oven, she finally figured out that the range top was actually “clicking” because the burners were not igniting right away. The customer then asked if there was a ‘Safer Way’ to get the flame going. Again, my co worker was very confused and after more questions, figured out that the customer had got the burner to light and left it on all day, even when she left the house. WTF PEOPLE??? Obviously, the unit isn’t functioning properly and she needs a service call, but the bright customer just decided to leave the burner unattended all day. This proves to me two things:
1.Trophy wives do exist, because who else would marry someone with little common sense and wit.
2.I need a new job asap.
On a sad note, my other co worker’s grandma died last night. Sad, it’s triggering a lot of feelings from when my grandpa passed away in February. I was at his grave this past weekend, it still doesn’t seem real.
1.Trophy wives do exist, because who else would marry someone with little common sense and wit.
2.I need a new job asap.
On a sad note, my other co worker’s grandma died last night. Sad, it’s triggering a lot of feelings from when my grandpa passed away in February. I was at his grave this past weekend, it still doesn’t seem real.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Her Tower
All her life, she held a little too tightly to the illusions she thought she needed,
unknowingly shadowed by all that surrounded her.
Hidden inside a false reflection of biased apprehension, she bound herself inside a tower, only to look out when the stars reflected over the pond.
As the storms crashed, she began to enjoy the lightening concluded with a huge raucous of thunder. Destiny brought it to her every time she asked for a sign.
She turned away as she began to fear the storms. Back into herself, but illuminating love. This is all she knew.
They began to appear to teach her to look inside as she chased the iridescent dragonfly's wings of change. And she heard unfamiliar thoughts. She turned around and realized the illusion of false imprisonment and recognized her own light. Who will see me shining? She wondered.
She pushed open the gate without strain and let go. She then knew that love was greater than fear and smiled her smile.
unknowingly shadowed by all that surrounded her.
Hidden inside a false reflection of biased apprehension, she bound herself inside a tower, only to look out when the stars reflected over the pond.
As the storms crashed, she began to enjoy the lightening concluded with a huge raucous of thunder. Destiny brought it to her every time she asked for a sign.
She turned away as she began to fear the storms. Back into herself, but illuminating love. This is all she knew.
They began to appear to teach her to look inside as she chased the iridescent dragonfly's wings of change. And she heard unfamiliar thoughts. She turned around and realized the illusion of false imprisonment and recognized her own light. Who will see me shining? She wondered.
She pushed open the gate without strain and let go. She then knew that love was greater than fear and smiled her smile.
Peices of the Puzzle
It seems to me that relationships are a lot like putting together a puzzle.
My grandmother taught me to always put together the frame first. It's a solid foundation to build on and where all the fun stuff connects. Without the frame peices, you really have no support and you start to build of off random peices of nothing that don't make sense yet.
Once the frame is established you start to fill in the middle area. There are many different peices. Sometimes you come across a peice or entire section that fits effortlessly and blends in beautifully with the picture. You don't have to rearrange or spend a lot of time and effort making these peices fit. The connection is simple.
Then you come across a peice that doesn't fit no matter how hard you try to jam it in. You spend tons of time and effort, short of super gluing the peice in. You are positive it will just fit with a bit more manual manipulation. Sometimes you have to walk away for a bit, and when you come back, you realize all you had to do was turn it the other way and it fits perfectly. Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself when you realize this peice got mixed up from another puzzle box, and needs to go back to where it came from because it doesn't fit with the puzzle you are currently working on.
A lot of times, peices come damaged. The coating is torn off, the edge is broken. You think, if only this peice wasn't broken it would fit perfectly. With tender loving care, the peice can usually be worked into the whole puzzle. Sometimes it may have to go through an entire new process of renewal before it will fit. But the beautiful thing is that a space is saved for this peice, because only that specific peice will fit in the spot intended for it.
A lot of times peices go MIA. It's almost unexplainable. Maybe it was dropped on the floor or maybe it just hightailed it out of there in your dog's mouth or something. Anyway, no matter how hard we want the puzzle to be complete, without this peice, we feel an abscense. It's impossible to find another peice that fits, unless you handcraft a new one. Most of the time, the missing peices will turn up again. Maybe it's a year later in a couch cushion, or you just randomly come across it on the kitchen floor. A lot of times the peices are returned to you worse for the ware, because they've been stepped on, abused and out of sorts. That's because the peice was everywhere but where it truly needed to be: in the puzzle. But like the damaged peices, there is a space where it belongs and always will.
Relationships are like building a puzzle. Without all the people in your life that you need, it is incomplete. You can try and try to fit other peices into it, but the peices that truly belong will find the way back to the space that they need to be in. Trust that. I do.
My grandmother taught me to always put together the frame first. It's a solid foundation to build on and where all the fun stuff connects. Without the frame peices, you really have no support and you start to build of off random peices of nothing that don't make sense yet.
Once the frame is established you start to fill in the middle area. There are many different peices. Sometimes you come across a peice or entire section that fits effortlessly and blends in beautifully with the picture. You don't have to rearrange or spend a lot of time and effort making these peices fit. The connection is simple.
Then you come across a peice that doesn't fit no matter how hard you try to jam it in. You spend tons of time and effort, short of super gluing the peice in. You are positive it will just fit with a bit more manual manipulation. Sometimes you have to walk away for a bit, and when you come back, you realize all you had to do was turn it the other way and it fits perfectly. Sometimes you have to laugh at yourself when you realize this peice got mixed up from another puzzle box, and needs to go back to where it came from because it doesn't fit with the puzzle you are currently working on.
A lot of times, peices come damaged. The coating is torn off, the edge is broken. You think, if only this peice wasn't broken it would fit perfectly. With tender loving care, the peice can usually be worked into the whole puzzle. Sometimes it may have to go through an entire new process of renewal before it will fit. But the beautiful thing is that a space is saved for this peice, because only that specific peice will fit in the spot intended for it.
A lot of times peices go MIA. It's almost unexplainable. Maybe it was dropped on the floor or maybe it just hightailed it out of there in your dog's mouth or something. Anyway, no matter how hard we want the puzzle to be complete, without this peice, we feel an abscense. It's impossible to find another peice that fits, unless you handcraft a new one. Most of the time, the missing peices will turn up again. Maybe it's a year later in a couch cushion, or you just randomly come across it on the kitchen floor. A lot of times the peices are returned to you worse for the ware, because they've been stepped on, abused and out of sorts. That's because the peice was everywhere but where it truly needed to be: in the puzzle. But like the damaged peices, there is a space where it belongs and always will.
Relationships are like building a puzzle. Without all the people in your life that you need, it is incomplete. You can try and try to fit other peices into it, but the peices that truly belong will find the way back to the space that they need to be in. Trust that. I do.
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