I thought this was great...

When the old is shed, room for newness arrives. When birds molt, they are bared for a while. Space is being cleared for new feathers to grow.
If birds were like you, they would flutter around and say: "Oh, dear, something must be the matter. My feathers are falling out." But birds don't go frantic with worry. They don't make anything of molting at all. And soon enough, new plumage comes.
Right now, you are shedding remnants of your old self. This is another way of saying that you are shedding ignorance. You are losing hold of all your familiar boundaries. The boundaries were all a mistake, and yet so familiar are they, you feel bereft without them, for now what are you supposed to hold onto? You are supposed to be adrift, beloveds.
You thought a rope of the past held you safe. The boundaries lent a certain comfort. You might have protested them, yet you were used to curling up against them. Now the ropes are gone. They were only props anyway.
You still reach for the walls, and your fingers don't find the walls to help you identify where you are. It feels to you that, without the walls, you are lost. It is not comfortable to be in what you see as limbo.
Having lost your boundaries, beloveds, you are like the birds who have lost their feathers. The difference is that birds know they don't need their old feathers. You don't need your boundaries whatsoever. You just need to get used to being without them. The sides of your crib are now down, and you can get down, and you can explore. Boundary-less, you are free. You have wanted freedom, and now that it has come, it takes some getting used to. You have been let out of a cage. "My cage, my lovely cage," you lament.
There are no longer any "supposed to's" in life. Life is richer, fuller, vaster, and yet it may seem more nebulous to you, even empty. You may feel weak rather than strong. You have lost your balance. You crave the street signs that are no longer visible. Somehow you felt stronger with them. That's illusion for you.
You may even feel hollow now, unable to even pinch yourself to know you are there. This sense of hollowness, even of fragility, are signs of your expanding. You may feel desolate. You may feel disconnected. You are disconnecting, beloveds, from your past. You are being disconnected from narrowness. And so you feel off-keel.
It is almost as if you feel your body disappearing. Borderless, you feel groundless. You feel the very ground disappearing beneath you. You feel as though you are in some kind of vortex.
All this wonderful stuff is happening for you, and you worry about it! "What is happening to me?" you ask. You feel suspended in space. Beloveds, you were always suspended in space. You, who are spaceless, are suspended in space. The ground under you never did exist.
The little red hen was in a tizzy, and she exclaimed that the sky was falling. And you, you think something is amiss because your sense of little self is shedding itself and you are emerging into your Greater Self. It was inevitable. It had to happen. You are not falling. That which defines you is falling off. You never needed definition anyway. There is no outline to you any longer.
You are beginning to sense yourself as light. Chakras become real to you. You feel your core of Being as a flame. All your illusion is going up in smoke.

Completion

The day I walked down the aisle in her wedding, I wept not because of happiness, but because of sorrow-I knew our years of friendship would dramatically change now. It would never be the same again. It was selfish of me to think that-I can admit that.

The written word is so much stronger to me than just pure thought alone. Although she will never read this, I need this space for our completion. It is my space, I chose what I want to establish here. I pray it will help manifest the completion sooner, to stop the dull ache in my heart and the tears that sting my eyes in my lone presense. Three weeks and no response, she says she's moving on and she has.

I'm happy of our time together. I'm trying to smile because it happened and not be sad because it's over. Writing love notes to boys in sidewalk chalk, our annual camping trip to the Dells, always applying to the same places so we could work together...those are the things I'll remember the most. I've had a very blessed life with many clsoe friendships-but she was my very best friend-and she knew that.

The worst time of my entire life when Dan tried to kill himself, the times I thought he was dead, the endless aching gut wrenching emotions of somebody depending on you for a reason to live-the time when I was so absorbed in his well being-she was the one who looked out for mine. She's the one who caught me passing out from exhaustion, she's the one who told me I'm worth more than what he can ever dream to give to me.

It took me years to get over what happened-but she was always there, telling me she was so happy I didn't marry him-so am I. I would be a completely different person-things really do happen for a reason. I started to see myself in a different way.

She was supportive through every relationship of mine when every guy treated me like absolute garbage. She tried to make me see, even when I didn't want to, and she loved me and let me cry when I realized she was right.

Back to her wedding day, the toast she made hurt me so much. She would have never met her husband if I wouldn't have been 'so in love' with his roommate. It's ironic that way....she's rejecting me for the very same reason he did: Religion. She knew I had loved him more than any other, and to this day, that is still true. Why bring that up in front of his finacee and family? For him, it was because I didn't grow up going to church. For her, it's because she doesn't accept my personal spiritual journey to Self. It's weird because it's so personal and different for everybody and I feel, should be respected. It's not like I asked for this at all. I didn't ask to be haunted and delighted with messages, images and insights. I didn't ask to understand energy. It just happened. And like not marrying Dan, this too must be happening for a reason, even if I don't know why-and that's the most frustrating part. Is it all worth it?

I must go with what is real and true to me and not somebody else-even if it means she no longer wants me in her life. Even with all our history and memories- I can't turn my back on me.

I thank her for the compassion, beauty, sheer joy, laughter, understanding, humor, strength and companionship in my life in our time together. Maybe it will come around again someday. I wish her dragonflies "all of the days." It is complete and it is what it is. And now, it's time for me to move on too.

2007-A lot of loss... family member, romance and now best friendship. I wonder why this is happening, and I wonder how it will all turn out. I guess all I can do is look ahead. Learning my lesson in starting to understand my worth...it's priceless.

"If you're lost you can look and you will find me, time after time. If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting, time after time."

YES YES YES

This morning was one of those mornings when I just didn't want to get up. My sinuses felt like they were ready to dive through my face and my neck and shoulders were all stiff with probably nothing but toxic cellular junk. Yuck! I had to be to work early for a training session….great. I rolled out of bed and remembered I could wear jeans today for the training session of taking apart appliances and putting them back together. Neat. This is what life has become…. Sick.

My eyes were half closed still when I realized that most of my jeans were still in the washer. DAGGER! I tossed some clothes around trying to find a pair when my eyes hit them….the pair that every girl has stashed in the back of her closet…the 'skinny' jeans. I have never been able to fit into them, but I saw them, beckoning me to just try them on. I did, as a last resort…and THEY FIT!! And not a ‘she really shouldn’t be wearing these squeeze them on fit’ they really fit well! YES!! The only thing that could make this day better would be a massage and a hot date. But, based on how I’m feeling at the moment, I’ll probably snuggle up with some tea and try to fend of the incoming sinus infection.

Awh, I like this....

The clearest state of freedom in terms of relationships is that pure, open, honest communication, with your self and another.

In that relationship, intimacy is beautiful, accepting, humorous, and extraordinarily free because each of you embraces the freedom to be what you are. Each of you shares and loves the total human being. The beautiful traits and the imperfections are all part of the same package.