Thoughts of the Day......

My thoughts of the day...

First of all, let's talk about the body and the emotional component of scar tissue. My friend goes to the chiropractor I work for. She and I have the EXACT and I mean EXACT same issue. How weird is that? We can tell because with the proadjuster technology, there is measurable data about your condition. We have the same vertebra issues (that have changed since care, but always been in the same with each others) right now, it happens to be L1. We have the same damn psoas issue and menstral cycle issue. (every other month is intense debilitating pain). So what gives? She and I are "wired up" very similar. I seriously wonder...someday, someone has to invent a measurable way to see how emotional issues are buried in the body. It's pretty interesting. I don't know where my scar tissue around the psoas area comes from, but I can feel it. Yuck.


Also on the body front: Desk and computer jobs. I'm starting to see a lot of clients and EVERYONE has the same freakin issues...upper traps, scalenes and low back. Why? Because everyone works on a god damn computer all day. The human body isn't designed to do that. Our society makes it that way. People ask me how often to come in for a massage until they get "better." Well, the answer is...for the rest of your life....because if you sit on your ass all day at a computer, you will never be pain free, as much as you think your posture rocks, your body hates you.

Next....
Relationships and Marriage. Well, marriage doesn't fix anything. Again, I learned this from my friend today. Having a heart to heart on the hydro tables, she told me that it doesn't. I know this, but deep down, I think we all want to feel that being with someone who loves us will "fix" life for us. That somehow, but being loved, we'll be ok. But, it's just not true. There are times when I really really want to have a boyfriend. I get really lonely sometimes. I don't like to admit it, but it's true, I do. I miss being able to hold somebody and share my day with somebody and also actually really truly care about someone else's day too. And, well, the sex....you can't go wrong there. Well, actually you can, but that's another blog.

My point is, is it better to be single or in a relationship? It's seems like relationships are a lot of work and a lot of headache. Besides your own issues and crap and insecurities, you have someone else's too. And since like usually attracts like, you usually pick someone with similar issues, or someone who is a good mirror for you. Well, what the hell? There are some days I don't want to be around anyone and I just want to be alone and there are somedays when I can't wait to make plans and be around people because I get lonely. When you are in a relationship, you open yourself up to the risk of having your heart absolutely broken, so most people are guarded anyway. Nobody wants to experience that pain again, so why bother? I'm the type of person who's always changing, so does that mean I need to be with someone who is always changing too? Someone who is open to new ideas and ways of being? Someone who is constantly striving for a better way to live? The longer I stay single, the harder it is to think of myself actually being with someone who understands these things, himself and me.

I don' know. Maybe a relationship that doesn't have that crazy dynamics going on does exist. Relationships are a big commitment. I just wonder if I'll ever be done working on "stuff." I mean, there's always emotional, physical, spiritual journeys and issues to be working on. Do you do this forever? Is there a point when things are just ok? Is this when you meet someone? It seems like guys are always complaining that their girlfriend or wife is nagging him about this or that. Well, I don't want my significant other to say things like that about me. They had a poll on Z104 this morning to see if it's worse to lose your job or significant other. And most people said your job. Well, what the hell? Jobs come and go but people don't...

I guess I'm just being a bit pessimistic today. I never was a good "dater." I think it's awkward and strange. I usually like taking friendship to the next level. I don't know, maybe that'll happen one day. For now, I'm just a bit lonely and guarded. I'm realizing more and more every day just how fragile human beings can be. It's hard to think about trusting my heart to somebody else, as much as I think that's what I really truly want. You can't ever really completely trust anyone. I really wish that you could.

I don't know that I've ever truly really been able to be "me" with anyone I've dated. Wouldn't it be so great to find someone that I could be me with and not worry about what he was thinking all the time and if what I was doing was "wrong" or "ok?" Hmmmppffffff. I'm so very confused. These are the things that keep me up at night. I can't help but wonder if anyone thinks about these thing too? My brain needs to shut up now. I just want a guy to snuggle up with. See...that's the whole problem right there...it won't solve a damn thing.