Sarah and I are mid marathon in Season 4 of Grey's. We pretty much missed the entire season, so we are getting all caught up so we can continue with Season 5 this year. Thank god for Nate and DVR for us! He's so my hero.
Tonight's episode involved one of the characters (Miranda) who is now the chief resident at Seattle Grace hospital. There was a bus accident and her high school crush was a victim. Basically the story line unfolded that she did all his homework for him in high school and saved his life in present day, and he still didn't "see" her. He kept expecting her to pick up the slack, clearly not respecting her or giving her the emotional support she so desired. And I can't help but compare this to my own life. I find myself thinking I might be getting a little bit too deep in on this one, so better to sometimes bury it inside and not think about it and stay busy. I know that's not a cure, but it's a band aid.
I am a beautiful, outgoing, fun, passionate, risky, charming, compassionate, and charismatic person. I get along with anyone, unless they are an energetic nightmare, then I just don't bother. I own my own business. I work really hard. I enjoy my friends and family. I try my best, even though sometimes I fail. I'm just a human being, but I'm someone who can communicate and laugh and be silly. I do nice things for people just because it's fun. I stand my ground but keep an open mind. I love to try new things. I've had some of the same friends for years. I throw a damn good party and made a killer breakfast. But, he still doesn't see me. And sometimes that feels like none of these great things about me really matter. I've given up, and know that I deserve someone who sees me clearly. But why is it that we have such a hard time letting go of the person that never really wanted to see us clearly in the first place? A guy would have to be completely retarded not to want to date me. It's so interesting to see how we get wired up the way we do.
It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Just take psych 101. I wasn't a great athlete, but I got solos in choir. I was chosen to go to honors state choir. I was part of an award winning marching band. I had a job since I was 14 years old, my family claiming they never had money to buy me things like clothes. I had fantastic friendships. I was in the National Honor Society. But he still didn't see me. He saw my brothers, who were star athletes, never having to have a job, because somehow, there was always enough money for what they needed. They didn't have TIME for things like that. Of course not...I mean, musicals and shows and performances didn't require any time at all.
The wound is deep. It'll take someone very special to fix it. That person, is me.
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4 comments:
awesome, I get it. and in a couple of ways, I am right there with you.
We'll continue the marathon and see what else is unearthed ~ television, who knew it could also dig in like a shovel opens up earth?
I'll tell you what I see...a fabulous girl who is way too amazing to continue to worry about Mister Big Fish in a Small Pond syndrome.
Do I need to come out there and slap some sense into you?
I'm totally jelaous of you, BTW. It's going to be at least a decade before I'm ready for my own practice (if I even make it that far...sigh). Love you!!
I think what I need to do is get over my "daddy" issues...you can substitute "him" for almost every guy I've dated. But yeah, I hear you girls, I totally hear you. It's really close to being done, as I find myself actually thinking I deserve something great...because I do. My next boyfriend will be so fabulous and ridiculously good looking. hehe.
And rich...don't foget rich!!
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