The sun will shine

Over the past year or so, I've met some really amazing people. Some of these people so quickly became instant friends. It was like we had known each other for years already upon the first meeting. Call it kindred spirits, call it soul mates, call it destiny. I almost forgot what it was like to experience the beauty of getting to know somebody over time.

It's so interesting to observe how human beings are in the world after being hurt, being heartbroken, or just shutting down. I've been getting to know my classmates since October now. I've been particularly drawn to one girl, I'll call her M. Since Foundation Workshop, I've felt a connection with her. I was the one to explain intuition, energy and divination to her. She was the one to tell me she had healed from a broken heart, and I would be ok as well. I knew somehow we'd go through this journey at Tibia together, even though at the time, I didn't think it'd be feasible to start class in October. As fate would have it, there I was, in class with all these amazing people.

We've all had our ups and downs this year. We've all been shoooked to the max, being given the space and opportunities to look at our "junk" and get clear. I could see so much hurt and pain in her that she'd just buried. She kept saying "nothing was wrong with her" and she just didn't "get this whole energy stuff." She was the one to give me one of the most moving bodywork sessions, she was the one that told me she loved hearing about what I "saw" and "felt." She gave me inspiration and hope to be who I am. But I just craved the opportunity for her to just feel. She slowly began to open up to me, and everything I intuitively knew about her now had validation and a story along with it. I felt so honored that she trusted me. It's so interesting that her best friend left with her boyfriend of four years and she didn't trust people. I've found this to be a major hurt of people I love. I can't imagine what that would be like and how much pain that would cause.

It almost came up when we were camping, her readiness to get rid of all the emotional baggage she's been carrying. Her chance to be supported and loved in a safe space. She was sick to her stomach and it took everything she had to just sit next to me. I had already done energy work on two people who had never experienced it and gave her boyfriend a reading about his past and why certain issues were hard for him to manage. I was dead on, and it felt so great to be able to trust myself again. After being told that was bullshit in the past, it's nice to realize it's not and it's just people's unwillingness to be open that causes resistance. When things get stirred up and ready to clear, sometimes it's almost overwhelming. I could see it in her, feel it in her, but she wasn't ready and didn't want to look at it. I respected her and I love her, so I just let it be and nothing really came up. She went to bed. I wanted it for her so bad though. But it wasn't my decision. It was hers.

We did our final transformational bodywork this past weekend in class. I didn't feel particularly stirred up or anything. It felt more like to me that this session for me, would be about what's next. I set the intention that everyone would get what they needed. I also sent the intention up that I would get the courage to have my "voice" back (as in singing) and whatever needed to clear for me to be ready for my next relationship. I didn't tell anyone this, I just sent it up to the Universe to take care of it.

I was the giver first. So was M. There were 15 of us in that room plus 4 teachers experiencing something that I will never forget. The energy was so thick it was palpable. So many beautiful souls ready to experience, feel and get rid of their shit. Only about two songs in, and I look over, and M's client is just sobbing and so is M. I see one of the teachers, holding her from behind. My heart just opened. YES!!!! This is what I had been wanting for her all along, but it couldn't have happened for her any other way. She wasn't ready any earlier than this day. All those years of holding things in just came out in her tears. I could feel it. Things were popping all over the room.

Michaela came over to me and said, "If you know the words to any of these songs, SING IT. It will help your client clear." How did she know? It took a lot of courage and at first I just started humming. By the end of the session, Michaela came over to my client again and we were doing energy work together. Michaela was singing and so was I. Two BIG things cleared for me in that moment. My unworthiness and my courage to sing. Singing with Michaela and doing bodywork was just the coolest thing I've ever experienced. I've always had this story about not being worthy of people I look up to and admire. But here we were, making a difference, not only for ourselves but for the client. I looked over and M was singing too. It was so connected. I will never forget that moment. How fucking beautiful. I will so never forget that moment.

After we shared, my client said that she was emotionally going to places that were fearful for her, and my singing was comforting to her. How perfect. Perfect in every way.

When it was my turn to be the client, I felt so relaxed. That's a rarity for me. Just to slow down and feel my body. I felt so loved. It made me realize that it has been so long since I've been held, since I've been loved, and it felt great to have that human touch. I realized I am ready to have a man in my life if it happens. It just has to feel right to me. That felt great. I started to feel a bit unsettled and reached my arms into the air. I swear, I was holding hands with something other than this earth. At that moment, two other people had huge emotional releases. Something was flowing through me to assist energetically what was occuring in other people. Something big in me opened. I know this is what I am meant to do. This is my life's work. To assist in any way I can, energetically and through bodywork, transformation for human beings. There is always SOMETHING we can do to reach out to another in need. Bodywork is a beautiful way to connect.

Some people may think it's bullshit. I don't. Michaela came over and put some essential oil on my body for inter-dimensional healing. Ahh...so that's what was going on. My other classmates also had HUGE releases and created so much healing for themselves. My session wasn't so much about healing the past, it was about opening to the future. It was about letting those things that hold me back, just slide off.

We later found out that M's client lost her mother last year to a degenerative disease. M's mother is suffering from one right now. That match up was perfect. They both carried a particular suffering and emotion in themselves and being together triggered something deep for both of them. It didn't make me feel less of a person, or unworthy that she didn't have that breakthrough with me. It would have a year ago. I think of how much progress I've made. I know it's all up to the individual as to what they are ready for. I know how to meet and love and appreciate somebody where they are, even though I see so much more for them. In time, out of time, does it really make a difference? It all runs together sometimes. So far, I haven't been wrong, and other's I'm still holding space for them. Everything happens in it's own time. Transformational Bodywork 3 taught me that.

I'm a changed woman because of Tibia. There are only a few months left. I'm going to be so sad to leave that place, to be finished with this portion of the journey. I hope to continue with my volunteer work at CAPW and move on with Project Peace. I feel parts of me that I had shut down for so long are back and healthy and feeling alive. I've never been so appreciative. I've never felt more grounded and safe and free. I want EVERYONE to experience the beauty that they are. What a miracle Tibia is.

Michaela shared a video about her brother Frankie, who had died of AIDS two years ago. Each year, the Tibia students are required to participate in outreach for the AIDS ride in Wisconsin. Our turn is in August. I know that will be another amazing, transformational weekend. You never know what is going to happen to you. The best thing to do is be present and love those in your life. I so get that now.

It makes me wish I could go back in time sometimes and re-do things that I know now were out of ego and my own pain. But that was all part of the lesson. I'm so appreciative to those I have those difficult times with. It helps us both to transform. And I know you're reading this....you know who you are....and I was right. You can never tell me otherwise. You were a Divine intervention in my life. It was amazing, I learned so much. I changed so much. You stirred things up in me that I didn't even know where holding me back and were there, buried. Thank you. I'm sorry we had to hurt each other so much. Even if we are never connected as closely as we used to be, I experienced something amazing because of meeting you. Where this journey may lead you, always Trust. Especially in yourself.

I know the sun will keep rising everyday. I'll be greeting it with an open heart and open mind.