Happiness

Today I woke up super early and headed to the farmer's market on the capitol square for this week's groceries. It's so nice to get there early, because it is barely busy. This morning was beautiful: sunshine, fresh flowers and produce everywhere. I always make a lap first to scope out the best deals. After an hour, my bag was loaded up with organic strawberries, kale, rainbow chard, radishes, green onions, sugar snap peas and of course, fresh iris and peonies for the table. Everything was organic and sustainable and less than $20.

I grabbed a scone and a fresh squeezed orange juice and sat down for breakfast. I chose to sit across from the prettiest flower booth and took in the atmosphere. The sound of random musicians and smells of lilies ensnared my senses. Ahhhh, this was heaven. I forgot how much I loved doing this.

It was a pretty mild day at school. We finished up our last day of science. Hooray! I had mixed feelings this afternoon as we all organized our notes to prepare for our comprehensive exam next weekend. School is almost over. Mind-blowing. My eyes were drawn to the window and I saw the participants of the Foundation Workshop doing the "being with" exercise by the trees. There she was, Ms. Michaela herself, grounded and holding space for everyone. My mind drifted back to when I was in Foundation Workshop almost a year ago, and how that was the beginning of the biggest shift in my entire life. Memories of meeting Mal for the first time and singing with Jessie. How a year can change so much.... and now another dear friend of mine is experiencing the magic of what Tibia is for the first time. I watched her golden hair blow in the breeze and thought, really? Can life get any better right now?

It can. We were done early today, so I spend the rest of the afternoon with the new love in my life, Lucy. My family just got her yesterday. I picked her out. It's so interesting now that I'm trained in Intuitive Guidance to energetically track a dog for your family. I knew her instantly and my mom was set on another dog. Lucy won. I knew she would. We have an interesting bond. When I look at her, I feel so much love. I spent the whole afternoon being present with her and how wonderful it was just to lay on the floor and play with her, take a nap with her and run around outside with her. I am just in love with her. I love the connection we have. We are totally in sync.

I picked up my friend from Tibia and came home. I decided to deep condition my hair and finish reading the novel I'm working on. Then it hit me: I'm really happy. I'm very content. There wasn't any anxiety, chaos or any sign of anything extraordinary today. It was an everyday, normal and WONDERFUL day. I couldn't help but wonder, is it that I've changed, or is everything around me changing? And in an instant, I realized that when you change yourself, the world around you changes.

I find myself torn about my next move. Part of me wants to get out of the chaos of the city, but part of me just loves it. Energetically, I know where I live isn't ideal, but somehow it suits me. I went to Prairie du Sac with a few friends of mine last week. The river was beautiful and I found myself considering living somewhere similar. That's not something I would have even considered a year ago.

When stuff comes up, it comes up. I've found myself feeling like I don't belong lately. I experienced it last Thursday at Wilson's, experienced it in class on Friday. I know it's all in my head, and it's just my reaction to a mis-perception, but I'm aware of it. I know what to do about it now, whenever something comes up. My system knows. Even when I'm so stirred up about something, I know I can either take action and speak my truth, or I can simmer and it will calm down and clear out when it's ready.

I feel ready for what's next. It took a long time of healing after being so stressed and out of my body after major upheavals. I don't miss musical theater, my job or being sick one bit. In fact, looking back, it all kind of seems like it was a big joke. I mean, did I really get so sick and stressed out over a theater production? Did I really talk to over 100 rude and arrogant jerks everyday about something as stupid as their refrigerators having fingerprints? I did. It seems foreign to me now. I can't take the next job just to be doing something. That's what happened with Subzero. I refuse to put myself in that position again. I have to have faith that I can handle what is next, and all I know, is that it's gonna be a shoooker. In a really good way.