Universe-1, Jess-0

The universe kicked my ass today-in a really good way.

It's interesting to observe things in your life sometimes. Today I got laid off from my job at Subzero. It's the BEST BEST BEST thing that could have happened to me. It's interesting because I needed something or someone to forcefully kick my ass out of there. I couldn't do it on my own. That kind of scares me. I mean, here I am, miserable, it just isn't working and I can't let it go. I kept making excuses, "Oh, the money is great! How will I pay my bills? I need the insurance!" But really, it was slowly killing me because I was spending my time being miserable. It didn't fit any of the parameters of what I want/need in a career: Doing something for the greater good, doing something that utilizes my talents and gifts, doing something that makes a difference, enjoying my time at work, and feeling good about what I do. Yeah...none of that applied.

So why couldn't I just quit? Why did the universe have to force me out? Well, I guess I've learned that the greater consciousness, God, Universe, whatever, will sometimes have to drop kick you out of situation if you can't do it yourself. Even though I'm a little worried about money and finding a new job, I no longer have that consistent anxiety in my body about being yelled at every phone call. It's a liberating and peaceful feeling.

When this happened to me last year, I freaked out. When I was let go from Cabinet Masters, I took it very personally, thought there was something wrong with me and my self esteem plummeted. I think the world was trying to tell me then that the appliance industry just wasn't my thing. But I still didn't listen.

When this pompous overweight man fired me this morning, he was very condescending. Maybe that's just me being a little brat, but he really was. He kept saying, "I bet your really embarrassed" or "This isn't going to be a good day for you." And I looked at him and said, "I have no reason to be embarrassed and this is the best thing that ever happened to me." He then walked me out the side door so I wouldn't be "embarrassed" and my co workers wouldn't find out. I said, "Well, when I don't come back to work today, people are going to know, do you think walking me out the side door is going to change that?" He then told me again that I was embarrassed and I again told him that this is the best day of my life this year. I wasn't going to let anyone tell me how I felt. I felt amazing!!

So now, I'm finally finally FINALLY out of Subzero. So what's next? I don't know. I hope if anything, that this has taught me to always follow my intuition and do what is best for me. Sometimes we need a little force. What's more amazing is that Michaela is always right. Everything she's told me in our session has pretty much happened. She told me that I wouldn't be at Subzero in six months time. This was in January. Pretty damn accurate.

Things change. People change. Life changes. I'm starting to really like change. Instead of trying to change things into what I think they should be, I've learned to chill out a bit and allow. It's much better that way and much more peaceful. I'm really looking forward to what is next. I'm finding myself in this space of fun and playfulness. It reminds me so much of the summer of 98. I feel like I've gotten back pieces of me I let go of a long time ago, and I feel renewed. I feel so much more myself and not this constant knot of insecurity, anxiety and inadequacy. It's pretty nice. I finally feel me, and the Universe is realigning to what that really means. Yes!