Love/Infatuation/Obsession/WTF

Seriously, what makes somebody so attractive to another? Of course there's the physical, there's usually some emotional component too. But what happens when somebody wants to be with you so badly and you just aren't having it?

I feel like I'm in this weird malfunction. The romantic feelings just aren't there for me. I thought they were for a little bit, but when I really had time to sit with it, it was really just the fact that he was genuine, compassionate, real and caring....something I'm really not used to in men that I date. (THAT is going to change, time to be picky.) I'm slowly realizing my worth and what I can offer in a relationship. I need somebody who is present, loves himself and has space for me too. This guy doesn't love himself. And that's becoming more and more obvious as the days go on.

Our friendship has become awkward and his myspace and facebook (seriously, who INVENTED this crap...it's enough to make somebody crazy) statuses are usually something about me. I know he's lost his mind over a girl before, but I really don't want him to lose it over me. He's a great guy, it's just that there isn't that chemistry. That seriously-I-can't-keep-my-hands-off-of-you chemistry. That's a groundrule for me. I have to have that. 

So what now, do I lose years of friendship because of this? I feel so very awkward about it. It's not even the "we're great friends and attracted to each other and there is something there" and we can flirt and have fun. Nope, it's not like that. It's becoming increasingly obvious to me that he could possibly be losing his shit over me. Over me??? Seriously!! Clearly, I don't love myself enough either to think that it's even possible.

So what makes us feel the way we do? Is it because we are attracted to what we emotionally can't provide for ourselves? Are we attracted to the same "kind" of person, where their emotions mirror our internal ones? Is it sometimes purely chemical? Why do some people become almost an obsession to us? 

I think it's best to usually look inward when this stuff comes up. At first I felt guilty, but I know I have no responsibility for how somebody choses to live his life and handle his emotions.  Maybe he needed to lose his shit for awhile and I was just a trigger for it. Just because someone doesn't want to be with you, doesn't mean you suck at life. Hmm...I should take my own advice.